How to Stop the Whining
“I don’t feel very good.” “I am so tired!” “The kids have been horrible today!” “I’m too tired to cook dinner!” “I am so tired!”……” I am so tired!”
Oh, wait… you thought this was going to be about how to stop your KIDS form whining? No, my friend, it’s about how to stop the whining coming from YOU!
I am as guilty as they come!
BUT….I am learning (maybe not implementing, but learning) how to stop whining to my husband! My husband and I used to come home after work and discuss our days with each other. I started to find that I was doing most of the talking. That’s probably normal with married couples, but I started noticing he never said much at all anymore. I assumed, at first, that it was because he just wanted to leave work at work.
I am not sure why but, at some point, I asked him why he didn’t really say much anymore other than, “Normal,” when I asked him how his day was. He was reluctant to tell me, but when he did, I was pretty shocked.
It turns out he wasn’t saying anything to me anymore because anytime he had, I would interrupt him with my own story from the day. He finally just gave up trying to tell me anything because he knew I wasn’t going to pay much attention to him anyway.
This discussion of ours was years ago, but I still try to remember the things that he told me. Even though they were hurtful, it wasn’t because he was rude about telling me, it was because it was all true. It made me feel so guilty! He made me realize that I was over talking him, and that led me to try to figure out why.
Why did I try to over talk him? Why did I try to make my day seem worse than his? Why do I STILL complain about little things more often than I realize?
Yes, I said that I still do this sometimes. I’m whiny! I recently had another discussion with him about my complaining spirit.–He was made for me because he always keeps me in check! I ask him to! I want to be better every day and I know that sometimes, you need a loved one to help you see your faults. I keep him in check too, but he can write his own blog about that!–It was with this discussion that I discovered what I was doing. I was tired. I was stressed. I needed a break every-so-often, but I never said that. I never asked for a nap. I never asked for a beach day. I just continued on and complained about everything. I think it was/is because I wanted sympathy from him. I wanted HIM to say, “I’m sorry, Honey! Why don’t you let me cook dinner and you go to bed early tonight?” He didn’t want to say that to me because he had listened to me whine and complain so much over little things, he was indifferent to it. It was sort of like The Boy who Cried Wolf: I was whining so much about EVERYTHING, that he was immune to it and didn’t come running anymore.
Of course, when we had our discussion, I argued that there are times when I really am tired. There are times when the kids are sick all night or I am actually sick (because I complained a lot that I “didn’t feel good”). He told me he completely understood that, but instead of whining all the time, I could just say, “I need a few minutes to decompress.” or “I am going to take a nap.”
So, my point is this: if you find yourself with a complaining (or whiny) heart, try to stop yourself and start looking for the things that you really want or need and ask for them. I have GOT to do this more often!! Chances are your husband will be grateful for the honesty, as well as the “new you” he gets when you have time to de-stress. Be sure to give your husband the time he needs as well and realize that he, too, may be reluctant to ask for down time. Try offering up an hour or so a week, at the least, to each other….and be sure to listen when he talks to you the same way you want him to listen.